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Friends are the only thing that kept Julie Zutz from going crazy when she moved from Minnesota to Boston and during the next 14 moves. An unofficial moving expert, Julie has crisscrossed the country in almost every direction for her job. She's been transferred from Minnesota to Massachusetts, Illinois to Georgia and, most recently, to Texas.
"The first six to 12 months is very hard," she explains. "That's where
keeping in touch with friends keeps me from going insane."
Another veteran relocater, Amanda Stiver, says that her friends give her stability during the chaos of uprooting. "Knowing that life is going on far away means I can learn to cope where I'm at as well," says Amanda, a survivor of five moves.
Moving isn't just hard for women. Marty Henderson, who has jumped from Texas to Ohio and from Alaska to California in the last 13 years, says it can be a lonely time. "I know what it's like to move into an entirely new area and be alone," he says. "It is critical to maintain contact with family and close friends."
Even the experts agree. The Social Readjustment Rating Scale, based on research by psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rehe, ranks a change in residence among the top 50 stressful life events one can experience.
Everyone intellectually knows that moving is tough, but the emotions often surprise them anyway, Julie says. People usually tabulate costs for the moving van and boxes but don't count the social costs. They are just as real and play a big role in finding happiness in your new surroundings.
So are you doomed to loneliness? Of course not, Julie says. But most of the work to maintain friendships will fall on you. It's not that your friends don't care about you. Remember, for everyone besides you, it's life as usual. You have to be the one to stay in their lives. So what can you do?
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