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Dawn and Pam were both good basketball players —good enough to make the varsity team their sophomore year. And they were good friends, until Dawn started hitting four or five shots a game and getting more attention. Whether consciously or unconsciously, Pam became resentful and stopped passing to Dawn.
Sometimes it seems life's all about winners and losers—in sports, business, reality TV and even school.
Sean Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens (1998), talked about the "forced curve" grading policy in his business school that demanded 10 percent of each class would flunk.
Our competitive world influences us to think in strange ways. Sean Covey says that this duel-style mentality is like "two friends being chased by a bear, when one turned to the other and said, 'I just realized I don't need to outrun the bear; I only need to outrun you.'"
But even if movies, sports, school and cutthroat business practices glorify winners and demean losers, that's not the way it has to be in the most important things in life.
Sean Covey and his father, leadership expert Stephen Covey, talk about a different way of thinking. They call solving a problem so that all parties are satisfied "win-win" thinking. Sean Covey compares life to an "all-you-can-eat buffet." No one has to go hungry—no one has to be a loser.
Dawn's dilemma
But what about the basketball duo of Dawn and Pam? Sean Covey relates the story as Dawn shared it with him:
"One night, after playing a terrible game in which Pam kept the ball from me most of the game, I was as mad as I had ever been. I spent many hours talking with my dad, going over everything, and expressing my anger toward my friend-turned-enemy, Pam.
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