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Living With Siblings

by Becky Sweat

Even though they share a room, Jennifer, 15, hasn't spoken to her sister, Nicole, in more than a week. "Nicole is always taking my clothes and wearing them without asking," Jennifer complains. "Last week was the last straw. I found my new sweater tossed in the laundry room, and it had a big stain on it. When I asked Nicole about it, she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about."
Ryan, 16, says he's tired of his younger brother, Sean, 13, hanging around when his friends are over. "He's such a pest," Ryan says. "Every time my friends come over, Sean turns into my shadow and wants to do whatever my friends and I are doing. I wish Sean would find some friends of his own and leave me alone."

Sources of Conflict
What makes siblings get on each other's nerves? Lack of privacy is one factor. "When living in a family there is generally a lack of privacy for everybody," says Dr. Clifton Saper, Ph.D., a family counselor in Elk Grove, Illinois. "That's not usually a problem for young children, but, as kids hit adolescence, privacy becomes more of a issue."
Maybe your brother eavesdrops whenever you make a telephone call. There may be nowhere to go for peace and quiet when you need to do your homework. Perhaps your sister sees nothing wrong with invading your bedroom closet and taking your possessions without asking.
Age differences have a part to play. "The difference between a 16-year-old and a 13-year-old in interests, capabilities, freedom and activities can be huge," says Dr. Peter Goldenthal, a family counselor in Devon, Pennsylvania, with a special interest in sibling rivalry. "Typically, older siblings want to differentiate themselves from the family, so they're not that interested in hanging around with their younger brother or sister."
Tim, 16, says he just doesn't think he has much in common with his 12-year-old sister. "My little sister, Emily, keeps bugging me to play games with her, and she acts all hurt and upset when I say I've got other things to do," he says. "But I just got my driver's license, and my friends from school want to go places with me, so what can Emily expect?"

Competition and Fairness

Read the full article at www.gnmagazine.org/issues/gn17/living.htm