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How Can You Help? When Someone is Hurting
If you put your mind to it, you can find ways to help others in their time of need.
by Becky Sweat
Debbie was 22 when her parents died in an auto accident. "The first months after their death were terrible for me," she recalls. "Whenever I tried to talk about it with my friends, they would tell me about a sale at the mall or offer to take me out to the movies. I know they wanted to help, but what I really needed was a shoulder to cry on."
When Brad’s fiancé, Stephanie, called off their wedding, he was crushed. "My friends told me things like they thought Stephanie was hard to get along with and that they never really liked her," Brad explains. "They may have been trying to stick up for me, but their words only made me feel worse. I still think Stephanie is a nice person, even though things didn’t work out for us."
After Ramona’s mastectomy, her friends came to the hospital to cheer her up. "When I told them I was worried the cancer would spread, they acted as if I had nothing to be concerned about," Ramona says. "They made comments like, ‘Don’t worry! You’ll probably live to be 100,’ and ‘Plenty of people have had breast cancer and survived.’ They shrugged off anything I said about my illness and made me feel guilty for being scared."
Like Debbie, Brad and Ramona, we all have our bad times. A serious illness, a tragic automobile accident, the death of a family member, marital problems, financial difficulties, the loss of a job—all are part of life.
During difficulties our friends need our support more than ever. But, although many automatically want to help, successfully comforting someone takes some thought. Anyone can blurt out remarks that hurt people.
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