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A large part of growing up is facing difficulties, setbacks and disappointments. What can you do to help your children through those traumatic times?
by Becky Sweat
still remember my third-grade track meet.
I tripped and fell during the 50-meter dash, prompting jeers from
my classmates and coming in last place. My mother was waiting
for me when I came home from school, and I burst into tears the
moment I saw her. She couldn't undo what happened, but her quiet
listening made me feel as though I weren't suffering alone.
Part of growing up means facing difficulties-the loss of a pet, a fight with a friend, a failed project at school, the death of a close relative. As parents we have the opportunity to be the safe harbor in the storm, the refuge when the going gets rough.
Yet sometimes being a refuge doesn't come naturally. It can be difficult to know what to say to a child in tears. Should you try to lighten things up, or should you try to get him (or her) talking about the situation? Should you downplay what happened, or should you try to solve the problem for your child?
Although hard and fast rules are hard to come by, we can assess situations and respond to them thoughtfully, sincerely and appropriately. Here are some suggestions for comforting a hurting child.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when your child tells you he is upset about something is to deny that you are troubled by what he is telling you. Let your child talk out the problem. This will allow him to begin working through the healing process.
If you try to change the subject, make a joke or come up with reasons the problem isn't a problem, you send him the message that you don't want to hear his problems and that expressing sadness is not acceptable. Responses such as "It's nothing to get upset about," "You're acting like a baby," "It can't be that bad" and "Don't worry" minimize the problem and lay a truckload of guilt on the suffering child.
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