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Don't place a time limit on grief. Some people may be healing well after a year. Some may never heal entirely.
by Joan Osborn
our months after my father's death, my mother mentioned that she often found herself wandering aimlessly around the house, trying to "focus." And why not? She had spent 61 years of her life focusing her energies on husband and family. Her husband was now deceased, and her children were grown and gone from her household.
It is customary to rally around grieving friends and relatives at the time of the funeral. But as Christians we know to extend our care far beyond those initial days and weeks after the shadow of death falls upon a friend. How is the best way to show our loving concern for a friend or relative in mourning?
James' admonition to "visit orphans and widows in their trouble" (James 1:27) reminds us that pure religion includes the responsibility for emotional as well as physical aid to the grieving. Here are some practical tips for ways to be there for others in their time of need.
Remember that wedding anniversaries, special occasions, family reunions and other celebrations - as well as the anniversary of the death itself - will be especially hard times for the bereaved. These represent times of togetherness for most families, but now part of the loved one's family is missing. Sometimes people want to be alone at these times of remembrance. Sometimes they want to be with others to help them through these rough periods. These are appropriate times for notes or phone calls.
Don't judge others by how they handle grief. Mrs. Jones seems to be doing fine after the death of her husband, but we may wonder why Mr. Smith seems so melancholy after losing his wife.
Each person deals with the death of a loved one in a different way. Although Mrs. Jones may seem to be doing well, inside she may be emotionally distraught. People don't always outwardly express their emotions. Mr. Smith, who shows his grief, may be healing more quickly than his stoic counterpart. We should grant each grieving friend or relative acceptance, love and respect.
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