After you goof and your parents lecture or punish you, there is something that you still need to do.

fter you goof and your parents lecture or punish you, there is something that you still need to do. You have to find ways of rebuilding their confidence in you. It's not that you have to do any one big thing; it's the little things that count.

• Act, don't talk
  You could start by doing extra things to help your parents out. I know you'll moan and groan when I say this, but housework is a good place to start. Trust me, cleaning bathrooms is about my least-favorite thing to do. But when I voluntarily clean the bathroom-or if I simply don't complain and do it cheerfully when Mom asks-I think I really endear myself to her. Just making my bed in the morning is appreciated, or cleaning up after a meal. She feels it is a step toward being more responsible-one of my parents' favorite vocabulary words.

• Be open and honest
  While you are doing the little things, don't forget big ones like honesty and being open. Most of us will probably never be able to share every detail of our lives with our parents. And, yes, sometimes we might even lie. We're only human. But we have to be super careful while trust is being built. Mom and Dad will be watching closely. If they think you are being dishonest with them in some way, it's not going to help.
  
  My advice is to talk to them, using full sentences instead of one-word monotones. And don't try sneaking around behind their backs. If you don't know what to say, talk about your friends, love life (if you dare), school or why a movie or song is your favorite. They'll appreciate it. After a problem, I sometimes want to withdraw. But doing something with them can also be a good way to open up communication.

• Share values
  Your parents have a value system of what's right and wrong. A good value system includes the Ten Commandments, but it doesn't have to stop there. No drugs, no sex before marriage, no gambling and always putting God first are probably important values to your parents. Most likely they've been trying to instill these values in you.

  Read the full article at www.gnmagazine.org/issues/gn01/patchuptrust.htm

  
  

  Related Information on UCG Sites:
  
  Table of Contents that includes "Four Ways to Patch Up Trust"
  Other Articles by Sarah Swenson
  
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